Friday, June 30, 2006

Movie Review: Superman Returns

Absolutely awesome. Completely and totally lived up to my expectations! Kevin Spacey as Lex Luther is fantastic. I was kinda worried about that...but he was surprisingly good. I was also worried about Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane...but she was surprisingly good, also.

There is nothing like the start of anything Superman-related...with the words on the screen and then that great music. And they have all of the classic lines, especially Lex Luther's.

Oh, and James Marsden from "Second Noah" fame plays Lois Lane's fiance...quite convincingly. Plus, he's hot. As is the new Superman. Whatever his name is. Does it matter? Although I will say, he's no Dean Cain.

Go see it. I vote it "Worthy Of Purchasing The DVD The Day It Comes Out And Is Only $16.99 For The First Two Days at Target."

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Yesterday Afternoon...

After work yesterday, The Sister and I went to the driving range. It was a sunny, 80+ degree day. What fun.

I somehow managed to lose enough tees while on the driving range to outfit a US Open round. Not just for one golfer. For all of them. Is that a good or a bad thing? I don’t know anything about golf, so I don’t know if I’m doing something right or wrong. But I hit the ball far…so that has to be good, right?

One of the greatest things about losing my tees all the time was the element of surprise when I pulled a new tee out of my pocket. I put a bunch of tees in my pocket to start the session without looking at them. Then every time I lost a tee, or basically, every time I hit a ball, I pulled a new tee out of my pocket. I never knew what color would come out next! It was like opening up a present every time I went to put a tee into the grass. Sometimes it was plain old wood colored. Sometimes it was green. Once it was red and once it was orange. That was exciting!

And the woman behind me was awesome. And by awesome, I mean that I got a great breeze from her every time she swung ferociously and missed. And her boyfriend was soooo encouraging I almost barfed!

And then we went and destroyed any physical benefit that we got out of our golf outing by having a really superb banana split. Does it get better than that?

Oh, The Sister is an awesome golfer, too. And by awesome, I mean I didn’t fall over laughing when she hit the ball.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Ummmmm....Got Talent?

Could there be any more talent shows on TV now? And why can’t I stop watching them? I’m fascinated by them. I haven’t “togged” in a while…so…here we go!

Take tonight. “America’s Got Talent” on NBC, which is basically a new-age variety show. This show is growing on me, I have to admit. And here are a few reasons why. Just close your eyes after you read each scenario and imagine the unintentional comedy:

* First of all, do all talent shows these days have to have a rude British guy? This one has the obligatory dude from across the pond…and his name is “Piers” – which makes it even better. Since one of his co-hosts starred on a life guarding show once. Does anyone else see the irony in it? Yet he is only mean for about 2 seconds…then he turns into Mr. Nice Guy. There’s no fun in that when all 3 judges are nice!!

* The snapping guy was freaking cool. Can anyone else snap that well? If you missed it, this guy can snap (yes, with his fingers!) entire songs.

* The horn guy was even better…can anyone else play rap on bike horns sewn to a bio-hazard suit on his body?

* The giant Xs are better than the gong show. Wahoo.

* David Hasselhoff is on this show. He hasn’t done anything this good since…well…OK, the only good thing he has done was crying when Taylor won American Idol. And he’s trying to look cool on this show. Which, somehow, is even more amusing than him talking. And he gets so ridiculously over-excited about everything. This guy has to be on hormone therapy or something. The Sister thinks he’s over-excitement has to do with him living under a rock for several years. Probably up until the day he went to the American Idol finale.

* There was a four-part harmony rap group that gave me CHILLS. Goosebumps. How cool is four-part harmony rap? I never knew before tonight. They are going to catch on FAST!

* There was an 8–year old girl that was a stand-up comedian and she was freaking hilarious. Funnier than anyone on “Last Comic Standing.” She was unreal. Overheard from The Sister: “Well, she’s a rather extroverted little girl!”

* Piers gave the best advice to any performer ever: “To be a good juggler, you can’t keep dropping things.” And that was the understatement of the year, Piers.

* A guy got to the second round because he didn’t chop off his toe with a knife. I can’t even explain how it happened.

* There is a woman on stage with a dancing miniature horse. I think that’s all I have to say. This is unreal. It’s almost as good as midget wrestling. Without the “good.”

* There is a 66 year-old Elvis-impersonator stripper on the show. If that isn’t enough to make you want to watch the show, I don’t know what is. He has sparkles on his body. I think he rolled in glue and then in sparkles. And he’s somehow ripped. And by ripped I mean that you can see very distinct wrinkles in his overly tanned body. And even sadder…David Hasselhoff wouldn’t buzz him out – he ENJOYED the performance. He claimed he was the oldest stripper, but The Sister claims she has seen older strippers. There’s nothing good that can come from that statement.

* Anytime someone walks out on stage with giant bird puppets that he calls his closest friends…you think, no, you know, nothing good can happen. Ahhhh…I was wrong…It was one of the best acts of the day!! He was the most amazing ventriloquist I have ever seen. (Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I actually said that sentence.)

* David Hasselhoff laughed at a harpist. That’s like laughing at your grandmother giving you socks for Christmas, I think. She did get a gig for 3 funerals though…all of the judges offered to let her play. That is the sickest request ever. Or the best.

* David Hasselhoff can’t hit his buzzer. So everyone else keeps hitting his buzzer to make the bad acts end. It’s like watching a train wreck watching a train wreck.

* There was a dancing inflatable mascot!!! I love those things!!!! Even better - it was an inflatable cow!! And it squirted milk!! It was great. But they aren’t voting him through because the humor was too infantile and “two year-olds weren’t watching.” I’m disappointed. I thought it was perfectly age-appropriate. Maybe that was just me.

* Regis is really a horrible talent show host – he can’t handle the judges “fighting,” and he makes jokes like “Come back to see more hassle from Hasselhoff.”

Watch it! Great unintentional and intentional comedy!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Sis Is In Town

The Sister is in town. She got here last night. Let me recap for you bits of our conversation for the last 16 hours (minus the hours we were asleep, of course). And this is kinda how all of today’s lunch conversation went...take these bits and pieces and move them around in any order and repeat as necessary:

The Sis:
“You know what my favorite song is?”
Me: “Ummmm. No?”
The Sis: “I like the song ‘blah blah blah.’”
Me: “Ummmmm. Ok.”
The Sis: “Have you heard it???”
Me: “Ummmmm. I don’t think so.”
The Sis: “Let me play it for you!!” (Followed by a sifting through of various CDs and the exchange of CDs in the player. Followed by arrowing to the exact song she wants me to hear. I have no idea how she has the song number memorized of every song on every CD.)
Me: “Ok.”
The Sis: “Do you know it??”
Me: “Ummmmmmm. I have heard it.”

The Sis:
“OH, I love this song!”
Me: “Ummmm. Yeah.”
The Sis: “Don’t you know it??”
Me: “Ummmm. Yeah.”
The Sis: “Let me play it for you!!” (Repeat above steps in listening to new CD)
Me: “Ok.”

The Sis:
“OH, I got the CD with ‘blah blah blah’ on it, wanna hear it?”
Me: “Ummmm. Ok.” (Repeat above steps in listening to new CD.)

Between Chipotle and work after lunch today we listened to no less than 7 different songs on 7 different CDs. And Chipotle is no more than 8 minutes away! She’s amazing! It’s like having a live DJ in the passenger seat. Who actually knows where every song is! This is going to be a very interesting two weeks!

Awesome List, Cont.

Game 7s. They are awesome. Especially in the Stanley Cup.

Caolina Hurricanes vs. Edmonton Oilers. New school vs. old school. South vs. North. Sun vs. Snow. Game 7.

Last night was a lot of fun to watch. I don't really care about either team, except that it seems like Carolina plays more games in the regular season than any other team. I think that every time I have actually been to a hockey game in the past 4 years, the home team has been hosting Carolina. I have seen them play more than any other team in the NHL, and I have never been to their rink. Maybe someday I will have to do that, just so that I can see what their home jerseys look like.

But other than that, during the whole Stanley Cup finals, I just cheered for whichever team needed to win in order to take the series to a Game 7. Then, last night I decided to cheer for Carolina because they were the Eastern Conference team, and because it would be fun to watch Cory Stillman win his second consecutive Cup, with different teams. (Yes, he was a member of the '04 Tampa Bay Lightning!! Go Bolts!)

It was a great game, and the Stanley Cup finals contained what the NHL was missing most of the season because of the new rules - tough, aggressive hockey. Fun.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to The Dad! I hope you have fun taking The Family out to dinner on "your" day!

The World Cup is Awesome

If you can't understand why the World Cup is really, really cool - then you are probably an emotionless log sitting in a rain forest whining because you can never get dry. Even if you are not a soccer person, which I am have to watch at least 1 game from start to finish to see what it's all about. It's not about being a fan of the's about appreciating patriotism for all countries, appreciating amazing athleticism, appreciating the spirit of competition and appreciating the idea of the underdog.

Today, Brazil plays Australia. A team of vibrant jerseys, cool names and unbelievably talented players...vs. a team that I know nothing about. Other than they have fans at the game dressed as kangaroos...complete with a pouch filled with baby kangaroos. (Just a technical note, I thought kangaroos only had 1 baby at a time, kinda like humans...but I guess that doesn't make for a very good visual.)

Here's why watching the World Cup is so much fun:
* There are some crazy names out there, and a lot of players that go by just 1 name. In fact, if you look at Brazil's roster, no less than 15 players go by one name. Including Fred! The only sport that can rival World Cup soccer in terms of cool names is Formula 1 auto racing.

* Patriotism is at its highest during the World Cup. No matter what country you are from, you can't help but stand taller and smile for a national anthem being played and sung by half a stadium of thousands and thousands of people. Take Australia today...before the game when their anthem was being played, the fans in the stands were so loud that you could hear each word being sung by the masses. And these people had to come from over two continents away to cheer for their team. And all countries, regardless of their chance of making it past the first round, or even scoring a point in a tie, get this kind of support.

* It's once every four years, just like the Olympics. It keeps the event fresh, exciting and special. The novelty doesn't wear off, and people save up for years to get to go to a World Cup or Olympics...keeping the fan base large and excited because it really means something.

* It's a sport where 1 goal can make or break a team...or a 0-0 tie can really mean a scrappy, out of nowhere, 3rd tier team the chance to cause problems for favorites or make a mark for themselves. Or give a 2nd tier team a chance to break through. (A la giving the U.S. team the chance to get out of the first round despite not being very good.)

* Look at the athleticism of these guys. A game is 90+ minutes long, and you never know exactly when the game is going to end because there is a running clock but they keep track of time of stoppages and stuff...then add it on to the end. (They should institute a rule like that in the NBA. Then maybe the whole game, not just the last few minutes, would mean something because you never know when the game will end or how much time you are wasting!! I'm brilliant.) There are only 3 substitutions (or something like that - I don't really know the rules, to be honest) allowed per 45 minute half. So these players have to be in absolutely amazing shape. Not only do they have to run up and down a field a lot (any runner can do that), but they have to challenge for the ball, sprint periodically, think about strategy and do about a bazillion other things. That is exhausting.

* One of the coolest unofficial traditions in sports takes place at the World Cup - players exchanging jerseys after the match for souvenirs and as a show of goodwill and respect for the sport and their opponents. That is really cool...watching rivals that have just battled against each other on the field for an hour and a half to a 0-0 tie, shaking hands, hugging and exchanging sweaty jerseys.

* There are rumors that David Beckham and Ronaldo will come to the U.S. to play Major League Soccer in the next few years. If they come play in the U.S., I would go to MLS games. That would be the best thing for American soccer.

* Every single athlete on the field in a soccer match looks like they are having fun. How cool is that? To have fun on the biggest athletic stage of the year? (And it is definitely a stage sometimes...have you ever seen how dramatic soccer players get when they get hit or "hurt?" They should give out Tony Awards based on this month.)

* The World Cup official match soccer ball design is pretty cool. It's neater than the plain old black and white checkered ball I grew up kicking around in gym class. I would play soccer more if I had a soccer ball this cool.

Don't worry, my fascination with soccer will end at the final minute of the World Cup...but for a few weeks every 4 years, it's awesome.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Friday = Intervention Day

Dear Orbitron,

This is an intervention.

First, we want to say that we love you.

This is nothing personal, but we feel that we need to take this step before you can further develop your relationships with those you care about. We can't understand 97.3% of what you say when you don't write it down. And we feel that it's impacting our ability to effectively and efficiently communicate and share our lives with you.

We believe that your cell phone, although it looks like it comes from the 22nd century, contains electronics from the first Texas Instruments calculator. At times, it sounds as though you have wrapped a crumpled up brown paper bag around your phone and dunked your head in a bucket of water while bobbing for apples. Other times, you call us when the New York Symphany Orchestra and the Boston Pops have lined up next to each for the big finale during the 4th of July fireworks display at a NASCAR race.

Please spit the marshmallows out or gulp them down before talking. This is not a campfire. It’s a conversation. And you can't ignore the reality of a conversation about the inevitable Tigers breakdown in July by thinking that an unclear connection will lead us to forget about it. No, Orbitron, we remember. And we will still laugh. Even if we can't hear your response.

Now clean up that venti light java chip frappachino no whip double-blended that just got spewed, and just talk to us.


PS...I got Google Talk just because of you...and you are never on to talk to. That's kinda sad.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Humpty Dumpty Cracked His Head Open...Who Really Cares?

There’s something about the whole Ben Roethlisberger crashing his bike and messing up his egg head while not wearing a helmet that bothers me. And it’s not really the fact that he drives the fastest motorcycle out there without have a valid motorcycle driver’s license (reportedly) without wearing a far as I’m concerned, let Darwinism take it’s course and wipe people out. Unless they get stuck as a veggie and we have to pay for their hospital bills because they don’t have insurance. In that case, wear a freaking helmet.

But it’s this statement from an AOL article on Roethlisberger's accident (I don’t know if the link will work for people that don’t have AOL, so sorry) that bugs me:

“Roethlisberger's accident set off debate around the NFL whether teams should take additional contractual safeguards to prevent their key players from participating in hazardous behavior. A standard NFL player's contract prohibits any offseason activity that can be harmful, but not all players have clauses for activities such as motorcycle riding, all-terrain vehicle riding and skydiving. Roethlisberger's contract apparently did not, probably because the Steelers had no indication he indulged in motorcycle riding before signing him in 2004.”

I understand teams having these contractual safeguards in place. It protects them from looking stupid when their players get themselves killed or injured or whatever because they jump out of a plane without a parachute, or ride a motorcycle without a helmet, or play catch with a lion. Yes, you don’t want your players engaging in risky behavior when you invest millions in them, and waste a first-round pick on a bonehead who can’t think. But why is this the debate?

Why is the debate not “Should Pennsylvania (or Florida or any other state) have withdrawn their helmet law?” or “Shouldn’t people be allowed to take part in ‘risky’ activities at their own expense, and is it a violation of their personal freedoms to tell them they can’t do something?” Not that I think it is, but if Roethlisberger and other idiots are going to argue that being forced to wear a helmet is a violation of their personal freedoms, why aren’t they crying about contracts that don’t let them go bungy-jumping with their families?

Once Humpty Dumpty is put back together, he outta buy a helmet with the insurance money he gets from wrecking his bike.

And then...a voice of reason...

In another AOL article about the NFLPA's response to Roethlisberger's accident (once again, sorry if the link doesn't work):

Describing Roethlisberger's serious motorcycle accident on Monday as unfortunate, Vincent [Troy Vincent, Buffalo Bills safety, president of the NFL Players Association] stressed there is only so much the NFLPA can and should do to limit players' freedoms.

"You don't want to tell a guy what he can't do and what he can do," he said. "All you can say is, `Take advantage of this window of opportunity. Be smart."'

But the responsibility is on the individual, he said.

"Sometimes, we believe that that won't happen to us. I'm the same way. There are certain things that happen to other people that we just believe, `That won't be me,"' said Vincent, a 14-year NFL veteran. "But as a player, we have to take most of the responsibility, and we have to make wise choices."

Smart guy. Let him talk more often.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Grocery Store Pick-Up Lines

I realized something when I was at the grocery store this evening. I had an unconscious block on allowing guys to talk to me at the grocery store. I walked by this guy and he said, "Hey girl, how's it going?" (And, no, I didn't know him.) I pretended I was concentraing on deciding between 3 types of mustard and couldn't hear him. Because I have decided that I will not talk to guys at a place where legitimate pick-up lines could consist of:

* Nice melons, eh?

* Wanna try a spicy sausage?

* Is that an extra-large roll of Saran Wrap?

* Oh, you don't want to go through the express line!

* And so on and so on...

Monday, June 12, 2006

Movie Review: Cars

Absolutely hilarious. Amazing animation. Great cameos. No cameros. Funny plot line. Original, and creative.

I went into the movie thinking it would be cute, funny, and have cool stars. It had all of that, and went beyond my expectations. I laughed through the whole movie. It was really clever.

The worst part of the movie was the annoying family that came in and sat behind us right before it started - for no reason because there were 8 million other places to sit. Why do people do that? They had about 6 annoying kids that NEVER shut up. We had to move to get away from them. Seriously, some families shouldn't be allowed to go out in public.

Ok, enough about the annoying family. I have to say that I'm kinda at a loss for words to describe the movie. I was very entertained during the whole movie and really enjoyed it. Even if you don't like racing, you'll like it. I think. Anyway, I highly recommend it, though. Go see it!!

Plus, it has Little E in it...who made my list.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

School Bus Racing!

Hopefully I figured out how to put my school bus video into my you go! Inspiration for all, and for all a good night.

al-Zarqawi's "Other Side"

News sources really need to read their headlines much more closely. I mean, I know there are only so many ways you can write some things. But before publishing something, they should read it over and think, “What else could this headline mean?” Or have someone else, unconnected to the writing of the story, read it - and then when they burst out laughing at the headline to a serious story, rethink the headline. But I suppose that’s how Jay Leno gets one of his best segments!

For those of you have been in a cave (once again, nothing wrong with it – you’re just unaware), the feared terrorist (is it possible to be anything other than a feared terrorist? I mean, is there a terrorist that makes you say “Wow, I’m not afraid of him…let’s invite him to a party?”) Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed a couple days ago by great big giant U.S. bombs.

So, today, I turn on my computer, and am flipping through the news stories on AOL, and one of them catches my eye. “Lingerie Found With al-Zarqawi.” What? Could this be? Did one of those trashy news sites find out something about the secret life of this feared terrorist? (There’s that phrase again.) So, in morbid curiosity, I clicked on the headline.

To my disappointment (I’m not sure what that says about The Steph…), I learned that the headline just meant that there were women in the safe house (not so safe, was it?) with al-Zarqawi. Here, I had thought that there was some exciting secret life this guy was living…but no. He is just a plain, ordinary, terrorist killing people. Thanks for misleading me, AOL. Back to the regularly scheduled, boring, news stories.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Hurricane Time...Excellent!!

Hurricane season is here, and as a result, people are starting to prepare. Well, not all people apparently. AOL had a nice little story about Tropical Depression #1 approaching Florida, the chances of it becoming the first named storm, and that “officials” are warning people to put together hurricane preparedness kits. First of all, I don’t listen to “officials” – especially if the “o” isn’t capitalized…and they are that vague. Secondly, they had a picture in the story of people hanging out on the beach, sunning themselves in perfect weather...with a giant tanker ship just off shore ruining the picturesque view. I can't get stupid blogger to upload the picture right now...if I could, you would see it. But if this picture really tells the story of the need to prepare for hurricanes…and you could see the you think you would feel the call to action? The only call to action I saw was to protest big ships getting in the way of pretty pictures of people on the beach.

The caption was even better:
Florida officials pleaded with residents to update their hurricane preparedness plans but most shrugged at the news.
What the heck does that have to do with a picture of happy people on the beach about to be run over by a giant ship?

At the end of last hurricane season, I posted my tips for preparing for hurricanes. But the start of this new and improved season reminds me of two of my own funny hurricane preparedness stories to share.

When I was in college, we periodically got warnings about tropical storms or hurricanes heading our way. I recall one tropical storm my freshman year, as a young, naïve New Yorker, brand new to these exciting storms. Classes weren’t cancelled or anything, but a giant black snake was knocked out of a huge tree behind our dorm and the guys that lived in our building went outside to pick it up and look at it. But I digress…

During my junior year we did get a threat of a hurricane severe enough to warrant closing school for a Thursday and Friday. That was to give people time to get home and help board up, or do whatever they do. I was staying on campus, and didn’t have much to do. So my friends and I that were on campus decided that it would be fun to actually do the things they told us to do to get ready for the hurricane.

1) Move all electronics away from windows.
2) Put the big wardrobes in front of the windows to protect the contents of the room.
3) And some other stuff I have since forgotten.

I lived in a quad, and my 3 roommates all went home for the storm. But my boyfriend at the time and our friends were still on campus. First, we “prepared” my quad. One of my roommates had a big TV sitting on top of her wardrobe, so we took it down, put it inside the wardrobe, and put the back of the wardrobe up against her window in her room for her, to protect it. Then we moved all of the remaining electronics into safe places, like the bathroom. Then we all went and bunked in one of the guys’ rooms. (Shhhh…I went to a Catholic college…there was no cohabitation! Ummm. Really. There wasn’t.)

To make a long story short, the storm never came. It was nice and sunny, blue sky. We just had two awesome days off from school.

We went back to my quad at the end of the weekend and put nearly everything back. Except for one thing. I went to dinner on Sunday, and when I came back, my roommate and campus security were standing in my quad. I asked what happened. My roommate said “Someone stole my TV!” I said, “Ummm, did you check your closet?” Everyone looked at me kinda funny…and she checked her closet. Sure enough, it was still there, safe and protected from the storm. Or sun. I felt kinda sheepish, yet proud that I had thought enough to help protect my roommate’s belongings. She never really appreciated it, I don’t think.

My other story takes place on the opposite side of the Gulf of Mexico, on the same line of latitude as Tampa…in beautiful Corpus Christi. (Look at any piece of tourist info you get from Corpus Christi – the one claim to fame is being on the same line of latitude as Tampa.) I was working for a minor league baseball team, and a strong hurricane threatened our coast. Our team prepared the offices…we wrapped all of our electronics in plastic bags, moved computers away from windows, tarped the field and put boards on it to hold the tarp down. (Which even then I pointed out was really stupid because when we tarped the field during the year, the 20 MPH winds blew the damn thing off, what the hell was a hurricane going to do? My guess was float it over a nearby oil refinery and cover that. Good luck getting it down was what I said. I called “Not it.”)

So the town freaks out. I didn’t worry, I had been living in Florida for years and years, so I knew everything there was to know about hurricane preparedness. I pledged to do the same thing I always did…go to the store, get dinner, head home, and continue on with life.

I made the mistake of stopping at Wal Mart on my way home from work after we had “hurricane proofed” the stadium. EVERYONE had water, batteries and bread. So of course, despite the fact that even on a normal day I rarely buy or use those 3 things in the form that everyone was purchasing, I bought a cart full of them. And freaked out because they were out of AAA batteries. What I would have used them for is beyond me, but the fact that the AAA battery slot was empty worried me because that had to mean that they were useful. And I couldn’t have them.

Then I drove home. Every single business along SPID (that stands for South Padre Island Drive, and is said S…P…I…D – not “spid”) was boarded up, taped up…and closed!! And stayed that way…until the threat of the storm passed. There was no going to Applebees, TGI Fridays or H.E.B. You went home. Boarded up. And stayed there.

I went home. Turned on the TV. Got out snacks. And stayed there. And I think one night some people came over and we watched baseball on TV and drank. But there was no boarding up – I lived in a loft, one whole half of my apartment was glass and two stories high – with no way to reach it.

And guess what? The hurricane never hit. We may have had some sprinkles. But damn, it was a pain in the neck de-hurricane proofing the stadium.

Those are my hurricane preparedness stories. Now I’m in Minnesota and it snows.

World Cup Observations

The World Cup Soccer tourney isn't just good for watching crazy, drunken fans riot over countries that you have never heard of. There are many strange things we will see over the next month. Here's the first:

Isn't it funny that Sweden's jerseys...

...match the most common hair color of the country's athletes...

Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Best Voice Mail EVER

This is an actual voice mail, taken straight from the cell phone of The Steph, today, June 8th, 2006.

"Hey, The Steph, it's 'Bob.' [Name removed to protect the not-so-innocent.] Umm, I'm looking for midget wrestlers for something I'm doing down here. I was wondering if you still have the phone number for your midgets. Give me a call on my cell when you get a chance."

Does The Steph have a phone number for midget wrestlers? That's like asking if a giraffe has a long neck. Or if elephants can crush ants. The Steph has a phone number for midget wrestlers.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006


I had something really motivating, interesting and thought-provoking to write today. But then Boof tagged me, and now I'm stuck with that instead...much to the disappointment of everyone who came to this blog today, hoping to be inspired. That will just have to wait until tomorrow. My apologies.

Boof's nosy, so I'll play along with this little blogging game.

5 Items

5 Items in my fridge
- Beer
- Leftover ziti (yum)
- Shaved parm. cheese
- Spinach
- Water

5 Items in my closet
- Shoes
- Lightning and Wild sweaters
- Basketball
- Dusty roller blades
- Christmas decorations

5 Items in my car
- Half a tank of gas
- Sun glasses
- XM radio charger
- Empty water bottle
- The owner's manual

5 Items in my purse
- Gum
- Elko Speedway schedules
- Digital camera (to prove who did it)
- State quarters
- The key to my heart

Ok, maybe I did inspire someone today. I can't help it, I'm just that good.

So, I guess I'll double-tag Orbitron, and put a preliminary orange mark on CFunk, The Sister, and Obeans.

Go me. I'm not "It" anymore.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Big News!

I have big news to share with you tonight! I'm going to THE CABIN! I'm going to THE CABIN!

I have lived in Minnesota for two and a half years, and have never been to The Cabin. I'm very excited about this. I feel like I'm entering a secret club, or a secret society. Do I have to learn a handshake? And my trip to the cabin is almost two months away. I have so much time to add to my list of "Things I Need To Find Out About The Cabin." This is the start of the list. I will be adding to it over the next two months, and will give you all of the answers upon my return from The Cabin.

* Is Duluth REALLY in the living room? (I've been told by two semi-reliable sources that it is, but I need to see for myself.)

* Are there community bathrooms in The Cabin?

* Is The Cabin made of gigantic Lincoln Logs or the little ones, like the normal sized ones that kids play with?

* Does The Cabin only have light beer?

* Does everyone fish at The Cabin?

* Will I catch a walleye? Or a zander?

* Do we have to tow something up to The Cabin in order to fit in?

* Do they have cable at The Cabin?

* Are there apartments in The Cabin or is it like a super-sized dorm room?

* Will I have to sleep in a sleeping bag?

* Will there be snow?

The real reason he's sad...

The real caption on this picture reads:
San Diego's Ryan Lilly takes losing hard as Fresno State players celebrate victory in an NCAA regional on Friday. (Francis Specker, AP)

It should actually read:
San Diego's Ryan Lilly looks down at his socks at the end of a game and realizes he's a great big loser because powder blue is only good for basketball jerseys and newborn babies. (The Steph, A Blog)

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Snakes on a real life...

This guy had to land a plane while wrestling a snake that got into his cockpit. Watch the whole video - it's absolutely priceless.

Just one joke...since he was flying a Piper, shouldn't he rename it the Pied Piper? Flying the snakes out of West Virginia instead of driving them out of Ireland...

Bad for Baseball

Albert Pujols is on the 15 day DL. This is not a good thing for baseball. Pujols was slowly, but surely, knocking on the door to Bonds' single-season HR record, and the best thing for baseball right now would have been for that record to fall. Instead, we are left with Bonds continuing on towards #1 on the all-time HR list (someone, please stop him), and maintaining his single-season record.

Let's ignore all of the steroid stuff, forget that's even an "*" on whole story. Bonds is an arrogant, anti-fan a$$. (I think that he must have been drunk or something when he was nice to the guy that caught #715 - or whatever number it was, I stopped paying attention - while in line to buy a beer. Or else his agent threatened to poke him in the eyes if he didn't act like a human being for once.) Pujols is probably not an angel (in fact, he's a Cardinal...oh I'm too funny), but at least he doesn't cause a scene every where he goes.

A minimum of 2 weeks off will do great damage to Pujols mostly unnoticed run to the record. But even more damage to a sport that needs to start erasing Bonds' name from the top of record lists.

Friday, June 02, 2006

WTF? Revealed.

Drumroll, please...

Remember this?

Here's what's going on:

Soccer players in Chile play an exhibition game with a magnolia tree planted in the middle of the stadium as part of an art project. (Santiago Llanquin, AP)

I'm NOT a loser! Wahoo!

I got "yelled" at tonight (it was on IM - so what do you call it?) because I got N'Sync, 98 Degrees and the Backstreet Boys mixed up. I kinda take pride in that.

There is hope for me yet!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

I wrote a song tonight...

(Sung to the tune of Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" - sorta - and dedicated to the insane obstacle courses set up in the middle of highways during Construction Season AKA summer.)

Every Road Has Its Cone

I drove my truck real slow as I
drove by the "road work" signs
Although the tar has just dried
I hear the stones hit the side hard

Why did I drive home this way tonight I asked?
Did I just not get the memo?
Though I want the roads real smooth
Though I want
But I guess that's why they say

Every road has its cone
Just like every street has potholes
Just like every flagger waves his orange, orange flag
Every road has its cone
Yeah slow down