When Words Collide, Sentences Form

Ummmmm....Got Talent?

Could there be any more talent shows on TV now? And why can’t I stop watching them? I’m fascinated by them. I haven’t “togged” in a while…so…here we go!

Take tonight. “America’s Got Talent” on NBC, which is basically a new-age variety show. This show is growing on me, I have to admit. And here are a few reasons why. Just close your eyes after you read each scenario and imagine the unintentional comedy:

* First of all, do all talent shows these days have to have a rude British guy? This one has the obligatory dude from across the pond…and his name is “Piers” – which makes it even better. Since one of his co-hosts starred on a life guarding show once. Does anyone else see the irony in it? Yet he is only mean for about 2 seconds…then he turns into Mr. Nice Guy. There’s no fun in that when all 3 judges are nice!!

* The snapping guy was freaking cool. Can anyone else snap that well? If you missed it, this guy can snap (yes, with his fingers!) entire songs.

* The horn guy was even better…can anyone else play rap on bike horns sewn to a bio-hazard suit on his body?

* The giant Xs are better than the gong show. Wahoo.

* David Hasselhoff is on this show. He hasn’t done anything this good since…well…OK, the only good thing he has done was crying when Taylor won American Idol. And he’s trying to look cool on this show. Which, somehow, is even more amusing than him talking. And he gets so ridiculously over-excited about everything. This guy has to be on hormone therapy or something. The Sister thinks he’s over-excitement has to do with him living under a rock for several years. Probably up until the day he went to the American Idol finale.

* There was a four-part harmony rap group that gave me CHILLS. Goosebumps. How cool is four-part harmony rap? I never knew before tonight. They are going to catch on FAST!

* There was an 8–year old girl that was a stand-up comedian and she was freaking hilarious. Funnier than anyone on “Last Comic Standing.” She was unreal. Overheard from The Sister: “Well, she’s a rather extroverted little girl!”

* Piers gave the best advice to any performer ever: “To be a good juggler, you can’t keep dropping things.” And that was the understatement of the year, Piers.

* A guy got to the second round because he didn’t chop off his toe with a knife. I can’t even explain how it happened.

* There is a woman on stage with a dancing miniature horse. I think that’s all I have to say. This is unreal. It’s almost as good as midget wrestling. Without the “good.”

* There is a 66 year-old Elvis-impersonator stripper on the show. If that isn’t enough to make you want to watch the show, I don’t know what is. He has sparkles on his body. I think he rolled in glue and then in sparkles. And he’s somehow ripped. And by ripped I mean that you can see very distinct wrinkles in his overly tanned body. And even sadder…David Hasselhoff wouldn’t buzz him out – he ENJOYED the performance. He claimed he was the oldest stripper, but The Sister claims she has seen older strippers. There’s nothing good that can come from that statement.

* Anytime someone walks out on stage with giant bird puppets that he calls his closest friends…you think, no, you know, nothing good can happen. Ahhhh…I was wrong…It was one of the best acts of the day!! He was the most amazing ventriloquist I have ever seen. (Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I actually said that sentence.)

* David Hasselhoff laughed at a harpist. That’s like laughing at your grandmother giving you socks for Christmas, I think. She did get a gig for 3 funerals though…all of the judges offered to let her play. That is the sickest request ever. Or the best.

* David Hasselhoff can’t hit his buzzer. So everyone else keeps hitting his buzzer to make the bad acts end. It’s like watching a train wreck watching a train wreck.

* There was a dancing inflatable mascot!!! I love those things!!!! Even better - it was an inflatable cow!! And it squirted milk!! It was great. But they aren’t voting him through because the humor was too infantile and “two year-olds weren’t watching.” I’m disappointed. I thought it was perfectly age-appropriate. Maybe that was just me.

* Regis is really a horrible talent show host – he can’t handle the judges “fighting,” and he makes jokes like “Come back to see more hassle from Hasselhoff.”

Watch it! Great unintentional and intentional comedy!

posted by Steph @ 9:20 AM