When Words Collide, Sentences Form

Walk the Line

"Walk the Line" came out on DVD on Tuesday, February 28th, 2006. Yes, I already own it. And so should you.

posted by Steph @ 11:39 PM 0 comments

These are a few of my favorite things...

...from my activities recently that I haven't blogged about.

Working the MN State HS Girls Hockey Tourney:
* Hearing the National Anthem played by a high school band with an unsteady snare drum roll, a squeeky clarinet and trumpet solos that are slightly off. There's just nothing like the National Anthem at a sporting event played by a full band. I love it.

* Seeing thousands of people watch a high school girls championship game.

* Hearing two giant throngs of fans for two different schools yelling at the top of their lungs across an arena at each other.

* Double Overtime

* Overtime in a championship game.

* A pure hat trick...double pure when you consider it included a power play goal, an even strength goal and a short-handed goal.

* Duelling zambonis perfectly clearing the ice every time without leaving a streak.

* Walking into an empty arena that has a clean sheet of ice, the American flag hanging on one end and absolute total silence.

* Locking the keys in my truck, AAA showing up in 5 minutes (no joke) and the locksmith taking TWENTY minutes in 10 degree weather to unlock my truck because he wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell him that I knew which tool would actually work.

Coaching College Tennis:
* Having both the guys and girls team warm up together with the radio on in the background, have "You're Beautiful" come up on the CD, and all of both teams suddenly burst out with the chorus at the top of their lungs with no warning.

* Watching a player that you just gave the perfect advice to during a change over while they were down by 3 or more games come back and win the match.

* Watching your team lose a match by a lot on the scoreboard, but be extremely happy with the way they played on the court because they played amazing.

* Watching your team CRUSH a team that they lost to the year before. In fact, watching them win so easily that you didn't even have to talk to them during the match except to say "Nice shot."

* Having Wednesday's 7pm-10pm practice rescheduled to 5pm-8pm!

posted by Steph @ 9:17 PM 0 comments

No freaking joke.

I haven't posted in a while, and so much has happened to discuss, but there's just no time to tell you all. But this could not wait.

I was talking with my mom on IM earlier this evening. And she asked me if my sister had told me about Denny's newest toy. (Denny is one of dogs - the outside one.) I said no. Stupidly, not thinking that a story about Denny's newest toys could be "normal."

She said that the night before she had seen him running around with something in his mouth and she wasn't sure what it was, so she went outside to investigate. (Yes, in my family, if you see something suspicious, you investigate. Most people - myself included - would turn around and pretend not to see it. That's much safer.) Well, Denny let go of the "toy" and it started hopping and fluttering around the yard.

My mom said, "What did you think Denny had?" I said (COMPLETELY JOKING - once again, despite knowing my family, I didn't think this would be the real answer, and BECAUSE ALL JOKES INVOLVE THE FOLLOWING CREATURE), "A chicken?" My mom said...."YES!"

posted by Steph @ 4:48 PM 0 comments

Happy Birthday!

(It's my lil' sis' b-day today. She's a quarter-century old!!)

posted by Steph @ 5:59 PM 0 comments

You're annoying!

So I really haven't posted in a while...cause I've been working. I work in a "normal" job and then I am an assistant college tennis coach, so that takes up quite a bit of time, too. (Just for the record we killed our last opponent...we rock.) But I still find time on the side for the important things - like chaperoning college semi-formal dances (and not just so I can keep an eye on my players the night before our match).

I think that everyone should do this, at least once, for the quality people-watching moments.

Now the dance was fairly tame, and I was "working" with a couple of friends, so it was fun for us. But there was this one guy...oh my gosh. And the bad part...he wasn't even drunk. And the good part...he wasn't a student at our school. The bad part...he was the freaking security guard!

At the dance we all took turns at certain "roles." When I went to bar (a closed off area that only people 21+ could enter) duty, I was there with one of my friends...and our responsibility was to point the student towards the security guard, who checked their ID, then we gave them a wristband and checked their name off of a list. (The point of the list, I don't know. But, oh well.)

When we got started with our little shift we had this one really cool guard. He didn't say much, but he was nice and did his job and payed attention and all of that good stuff. And we were having fun because we knew most of the students (it's a small campus) and everyone was pretty light-hearted. Then about 15 minutes in, Cool Guy's replacement came. And bar duty was never the same after.

Within about 13 seconds of being there, my friend and I looked at each other and both started thinking, HOW DO WE GET RID OF HIM?? He talked non-stop, which is fine. I'm a pretty damn talkative person, so I'm really one to complain, right? But he was annoying, inappropriate and unprofessional (I would type out his conversation points, but the intelligence level is so small that I might not be able to type words with that few syllables). I was contemplating homicide, but there were three Mpls PD standing nearby, just chilling and planning their next donut stop. So there went that idea. Next came switching him out somehow with the guard at the other end of the bar that wasn't talking to anyone, just making sure no one snuck in. But I was afraid (at the time) to be that blatent in our dislike for Annoying Guy.

After about 45 minutes of us trying to ignore him, my friend went to try to talk two of our (male) friends and make them take over for us. Which, unfortunately for me, left me alone with Annoying Guy. Here's how it went:

Annoying Guy: "Yada yada yada handcuffs are not just for ground zero anymore, that's why all of us carry them." (A repetition of an earlier "conversation" - and I use that term loosely because the conversation involved him talking and us ignoring him while talking to each other.)

Me: (Thinking) "I STILL don't know what the heck that means." (Saying) __________. (Doing) Pretending to read the list of names I was holding. "Adams. Anderson. Boyle."

AG: "Yada, yada, yada, yada. I can't wait to get to the club. I freaking know all the security guards. I can talk to anyone. That's what makes me such a great security guard."

Me: (Thinking) "And if by 'great' you mean, 'SHITTY,' then, yeah." (Saying) __________. (Doing) Continuing to read the list of names I was holding. "Carlson. Centross. Davis."

AG: "Yada, yada, yada. Drunk people are stupid and think they can get away with anything. The fucking drunk mayor's daughter thought she could get away with crap. I don't care if you're the fucking mayor's daughter."

Me: (Thinking) "I know a stupid sober person." (Saying) __________. (Doing) Reading the "Es" through "Gs" on my list.

AG: (While waving his hands in my face.) "Yooo hoo, I'm talking to you. I'm telling you something."

Me: (Realizing I could talk.) "Yes. I know. And I'm ignoring you. You are, frankly, incredibly annoying and unprofessional and I don't want to talk to you for the rest of the night. Shut up."

AG: "Oh."

At that point, our friendship ended. Then our relief/friends showed up. I warned one about what happened. Then about 3 minutes later he was begging for relief. We left him there!

posted by Steph @ 5:36 PM 0 comments

Television Ratings Just Dropped...

...on the women's skating portion of the Winter Olympics. Did the Canadian national champion seriously just come out skating to an orchestral version of "Like a Prayer?" I think the judges should do an instant reply on THAT. And lose artistic points for THAT.

And I have to say...I'm not thrilled about any scoring system that allows a team that throws the woman to the ice so violantly that they have to stop, take a break and then start again TO WIN A FREAKING MEDAL. And for the crowd to cheer for them and their return from their fall when they are awarded their medal shows their ignorance. THEY FELL AND STOPPED. The Steph say NO MEDAL FOR YOU.

posted by Steph @ 5:32 PM 0 comments

Just too damn easy.

This whole Cheney shooting his fellow hunter and then the guy has a heart attack...it's just too easy for jokes. Not even worth it. Almost ruins the joy of the humor in the situation.

posted by Steph @ 4:58 PM 1 comments

Hmmm.

* Great job with your new ad, Budweiser...stealing it from some cell phone company. (Obviously the cell phone ad worked on me cause I don't remember what company it is.) You know the commercial - where everything looks like it has the shape of the Budweiser crown. It is so identical to the cell phone commercial where everything looks like the signal bars, that it's insane. For a company that usually specializes in cool, original ads, Budweiser fell way short on this one.

* NBC may have the worst Olympic coverage ads ever. I noticed this during the opening ceremonies. They have these annoucements that they do about what is coming up and what NBC station you can see it on. But it's not like they tell you about a couple of events and make it seem great. They just list this endless line-up of upcoming events and what station they are on. So you can't remember it, nor do you pay attention. It's like a mini-show in and of itself. Chill out and focus on one event at a time so that we know what to look for!

* Does anyone else find it ironic that the only American Olympian who has won a gold medal so far just picked up his sport after the last games...less than 4 years ago!? All of these other guys spend their entire lives training and preparing and honing their craft, and this guy comes in 3.5 years ago and takes over. There's hope for me to medal in curling someday!!! I really think I can do it!!

* I really don't understand how snowboarding became an Olympic sport and they are going to get rid of baseball from the summer games. That just doesn't make any sense to me. Any sport where you can wear your pajamas to compete and look dressed up should not be on the Olympic stage. Also, for some reason these snowboarders are wearing this extremely baggy heavy winter garb...how can you compete in an Olympic sport with your pants falling down and showing your boxers???? And then they show the families watching, and they just have jeans and long sleeve shirts on. I don't know what is stranger - the athletes dressing for the Artic and the spectators wearing so little, or the idea that every time I see a shot of people at the winter games I never see the spectators wearing hats and winter clothes - but all of the athletes are trying to make it look like it's so cold that Santa will bring hot chocolate over. Was Italy really the best place to pick for the winter games, after all??

posted by Steph @ 7:47 PM 0 comments

The Olympics Are Here! The Olympics Are Here!

The opening ceremonies are here. This is awesome. I absolutely love the Olympics, in case you don't remember. I think that the ceremonies are soooo awesome. They did this human ski jumper thing, and it was incredibly cool. And the rings - freaking neat. I can't say anything worthwhile - I'm speechless. I'm too excited that for the next two weeks we'll have really super cool stories about kids that fell down wells when they were 3, lost their dog to an alligator at age 5 and then discovered downhill skiing at 17 and became a late-bloomer who took over the world. This rocks. USA! USA! I can't wait to see the USA in their Canadian-designed outfits. Wahooo. And who said the world couldn't unite? Just look at how we can't get our own country to design our own uniforms? Alright, alright, I know Nike is doing it, too, this year. Still, it's fun to point that out. I can't wait til the curling is on.

posted by Steph @ 6:53 PM 1 comments

You know you're from Tampa when...

(Stolen from Pete's Myspace posting...with some additions of my own.)

1. You know the difference between I-75 and I-275.

2. You know it will rain between 2 and 6 pm during the summer.

3. You wear Tank tops and Flip Flops 365 days a year.

4. St. Pete is known as 'where the old people live'.

5. Odessa/Lutz is where the cows roam.

6. There is a Publix on every street. And it's the best place to get sushi.

7. There is a Wal-mart on every other street.

8. You've memorized where every bar is in Ybor.

9. Gasparilla and Guavaween are holidays to us.

10. More people show up to your high school football games than pro baseball game.

11. You remember what Tampa Bay Center is.

12. You can always find a good riot in St.Pete.

13. You're excited to see a Sonic and WHATABURGER finally in town.

14. You hear daily from out of towners on how crazy/fast we drive.

15. You buy a beer here for 6 dollars and then go out of town and the same beer costs 2.50.

16. You couldn't imagine a street without a strip club. And you don't associate XXX with Vin Diesel.

17. You know what the 'big sombrero' is (was!).

18. At least one of your friends worked at Capital One.

19. South Tampa is the only place to get a good Cuban (sandwich).

20. You've seen the Lightning play at Expo Hall, The Thunderdome,The Ice Palace, and The St. Pete Times Forum.

21. Your only visits to Tropicana Field are when the Devil Rays areplaying The Yankees or Red Sox.

22. You know you will have to wait at least one year to eat at Berns.

23. You will see at least 13 gray haired persons driving in the fast lane. Doing 15mph. On your way to work.

24. Your family is originally from a northern city.

25. You meet at least two new friends from out of town every week.

26. The girl that sang My neck my back lick my ***** and *** crack.. Was from Tampa.

27. Every bar is open till 3am, then after that everyone is at the casino till 6am.

28. You know what it means to be 'south of the south'.

29. You dont want to drive past I-4 when leaving Ybor City. B/c Its Dark.

30. You consider 'Citrus Park', 'East Lake', and 'Countryside' cities.

31. You barely know what a waffle house is.

32. You know the Storm is the all time most winning AFL team.

33. 'Hurricane Warning' is another word for "surf's up" and party time

34. Sunshine Skyway is still scary everytime.

35. You have been to one free Tampa Yankees game.

36. You have met or maybe babysat Hulk Hogan's kids.

37. You can go to a Wal-mart at 3am and find a long lost friend.

38. The only people you see wearing suits and ties are Scientologists.

39. You can get anywhere in town without using US19.

40. You head to Orlando for Halloween.

41. You were bused 20 miles away during middle school.

42. Dale Mabry and The Veterans are your lifeline.

43. At least 5 of your friends live in Westchase.

44. You weren't a football fan until the Bucs started wearing Pewter.

45. 'Green Iguana' is more to you than a reptile.

46. You know that to get to the good beach, you have to drive to Clearwater.

47. It isn't weird for a stranger on the street to walk up and try to sell you cigars.

48. Miami subs was the place to meet and race.

49. You can drink a beer and watch a movie in Ybor. No where else.

50. Girls go to the Clubs to dance with their girlfriends. Guys go to the clubs looking for a one night girlfriend.

51. Anyone with a southern accent is from New Port Richey or Lutz.

52. The closest drag strip is the Gandy Bridge.

53. Cheesecake factory is the place to take your date if your looking to get lucky later.

54. You have at least one friend that lives in Cheval or Avila.

55. You can't sit on a bench downtown without 'skateboard stoppers' on it.

56. Its normal to have an armadillo in your yard. But it's even more exciting to see one that is alive.

57. You have a hundred friends in town, but none was actually born in Tampa.

58. You Know the Brass mug isn't just a bar, its an Institution.

59. Your less than 20 minutes from 3 movie theaters at all times.

60. You got into Ybor clubs by the Age of 17.

61. You had at least 5 classes in a portable during high school.

62. Just drive into apt. complex near USF looking for a party.

63. You know that you can't afford anything at International Mall, but you go there anyway.

64. Your less than 20 minutes away from 5 college campuses at all times.

65. You know that a Tampon isn't just a feminine Hygiene Product.

66. The only snow day we get is when a Hurricane is right off the coast.

67. You know where Gandy, Howard Franklin and the Courtney Causeway will take ya.

68. You see 11 Mexicans and 4 Cubans in a 5 passenger truck. No offense to anyone.

69. You know East Lakes motto: "Where girls spread more then their wings."

70. You listen to Applebees commercials and believe it's Italian food.

71. You can find humor in "Only two kinds of drivers here: those who drive over 75 and those who are."

72. You personally know people with reptiles as pets. Or have one.

73. You can quote hurricane statistics at any time of day.

74. You personally know someone with more than three cats they own/take care of. Or are that person.

75. You own "dress tank tops" and "everyday tank tops."

76. When you go to the bank ATM, you have to select from English or Spanish before any transactions. Yet still, you have bilingual transactions.

77. Everyone pauses in conversation during hurricane season to the sound of thunder.

78. There is such a thing as "Dress sneakers"

79. When you can expect a hockey puck at your local Mickey D's after 10PM.

80. When you know you can expect no chicken breasts at KFC after 8PM

81. When there's nothing open after 10 PM except Dennys, Bars, 7-11, and Mc D's drivethroughs. Even on weekends.

82. When you have to outsource for new music, electronics, computer components, &etc. ... because Florida's justabout 3-5 years behind the rest of the States.

83. Flip flops are formal attire.

84. You know what "No Panties Thursday" was.

85. You've been to a bar where a boy band member (or a Carolina Panthers cheerleader) was arrested.

86. You drive out of your way to a specific 7-11 in order to get a higher quality Slurpie - and pass 14 others on your way there.

87. Ybor's "not the same as it once was."

88. The NBA plays in FL?

posted by Steph @ 10:19 AM 5 comments

Why, NBC? Why?

NBC is moving Las Vegas to Fridays. That really makes me mad. Because what that tells me is that it's getting too expensive to run that show and they want to kill it. They did the same thing to West Wing, intentionally sabotaging the show by moving it to Sunday night from Wednesday. Why in the world would they do it? They claim that they move high-rated shows to low-rated time slots in order to try to boost viewership at that time. In reality, they do it to kill a show.

This really upsets me. I was angry when they announced they were moving West Wing. Then I was angry when they cancelled it due to "poor ratings." They were going to cancel it because they couldn't afford it because the rest of their shows were lame. So they moved it to a time slot that gave them an excuse.

Here's the thing - I love NBC. It's the station I watch the most, by far. Mostly because the rest of the stations are just absolutely horrible. Fox and their overhyped, hypochondriatic newscasts can kiss my butt. CBS has some funny shows, but that's about it. And CSI. Then it's really over. ABC, I'm not even sure what station that is. Are they still one of the big 4? Can anyone name 5 shows on ABC?

But NBC is starting to lose my loyalty. With shows like Medium, for which I have to change the channel for promos - it is that bad to me, I can't really verbalize what I dislike about the show, I just really, really, really can't stand it, and then Surface...I am forced to change the channel to avoid shows rather than to watch shows.

Moving West Wing to Sunday and Las Vegas to Friday? You might as well move SNL to Tuesday and put Tina Fey and the crew out of work in 2 months. At least that would be funny...which would be the first time that SNL has really been funny in, well, years.

This is what happens when I get home one night before 10:00 (I was home at 9:30!! And watched the end of the Bachelor because I taped NBC at the wrong time and missed Las Vegas so I couldn't watch that and Medium was on NBC and I can't start CSI in the middle). I watch a "prime time" show again for the first time in weeks and I get upset with TV. I should have found something else to do for that last half hour.

Tomorrow I don't have anything to which I am committed to do after 5:00. That's the first time in weeks that has happened. I may be bored by 6.

posted by Steph @ 8:27 PM 0 comments

XL Halftime

I don't know if it's coincidence or not that this year's Super Bowl is Super Bowl XL and that Mick Jagger was wearing those pants. And by wearing those pants, I mean wearing that bulge in those pants.

I'm pretty sure that THAT is a wardrobe malfunction. The thought just makes me sick. Gross. I was less offended by Justin exposing Janet's boob than I was by Mick's snake. Zoinks.

On a football related note - at halftime, my prediction is that the pass that Big Ben made to get them to the 3 yeard line and then leading into their (sorta) touchdown will be the play of the game. Steelers will win.

I make all of my in-game predictions on one pass.

posted by Steph @ 5:13 PM 0 comments

Such a Shame

If they can't make it last, then who can?? I mean, this relationship was defined by the color yellow and the number 7. It was almost Sesame Streetish.

Lance and Sheryl called it quits...and used the #1 most used statement in a celebrity split press release:

“After much thought and consideration we have made a very tough decision to split up. We both have a deep love and respect for each other and we ask that everyone respect our privacy during this very difficult time.”

I am pretty sure that is word-for-word from Renee & Kenny and Nick & Jessica's official statements. Possibly changing the order of the sentences. That's about it.

posted by Steph @ 3:38 AM 0 comments

How do they do it??

How do they get those little, teeny, tiny magnets into popcorn that draw them straight from your hand to the floor or your shirt or your pants? I don't get it. It doesn't matter whether you take out a full handful or just 1 piece of popcorn from the bag/box/bowl...a few whole ones or some part of one piece winds up anywhere other than in your mouth. It doesn't matter how careful you are. You are going to wind up picking those damn pieces off your sweater and trying to spread them out on the floor enough with your toe so that no one else notices that you are a slob.

And yet you will be the first person to make fun of another when you see them standing in a halo of kernels covering the carpet.

posted by Steph @ 7:12 PM 0 comments