When Words Collide, Sentences Form

You're annoying!

So I really haven't posted in a while...cause I've been working. I work in a "normal" job and then I am an assistant college tennis coach, so that takes up quite a bit of time, too. (Just for the record we killed our last opponent...we rock.) But I still find time on the side for the important things - like chaperoning college semi-formal dances (and not just so I can keep an eye on my players the night before our match).

I think that everyone should do this, at least once, for the quality people-watching moments.

Now the dance was fairly tame, and I was "working" with a couple of friends, so it was fun for us. But there was this one guy...oh my gosh. And the bad part...he wasn't even drunk. And the good part...he wasn't a student at our school. The bad part...he was the freaking security guard!

At the dance we all took turns at certain "roles." When I went to bar (a closed off area that only people 21+ could enter) duty, I was there with one of my friends...and our responsibility was to point the student towards the security guard, who checked their ID, then we gave them a wristband and checked their name off of a list. (The point of the list, I don't know. But, oh well.)

When we got started with our little shift we had this one really cool guard. He didn't say much, but he was nice and did his job and payed attention and all of that good stuff. And we were having fun because we knew most of the students (it's a small campus) and everyone was pretty light-hearted. Then about 15 minutes in, Cool Guy's replacement came. And bar duty was never the same after.

Within about 13 seconds of being there, my friend and I looked at each other and both started thinking, HOW DO WE GET RID OF HIM?? He talked non-stop, which is fine. I'm a pretty damn talkative person, so I'm really one to complain, right? But he was annoying, inappropriate and unprofessional (I would type out his conversation points, but the intelligence level is so small that I might not be able to type words with that few syllables). I was contemplating homicide, but there were three Mpls PD standing nearby, just chilling and planning their next donut stop. So there went that idea. Next came switching him out somehow with the guard at the other end of the bar that wasn't talking to anyone, just making sure no one snuck in. But I was afraid (at the time) to be that blatent in our dislike for Annoying Guy.

After about 45 minutes of us trying to ignore him, my friend went to try to talk two of our (male) friends and make them take over for us. Which, unfortunately for me, left me alone with Annoying Guy. Here's how it went:

Annoying Guy: "Yada yada yada handcuffs are not just for ground zero anymore, that's why all of us carry them." (A repetition of an earlier "conversation" - and I use that term loosely because the conversation involved him talking and us ignoring him while talking to each other.)

Me: (Thinking) "I STILL don't know what the heck that means." (Saying) __________. (Doing) Pretending to read the list of names I was holding. "Adams. Anderson. Boyle."

AG: "Yada, yada, yada, yada. I can't wait to get to the club. I freaking know all the security guards. I can talk to anyone. That's what makes me such a great security guard."

Me: (Thinking) "And if by 'great' you mean, 'SHITTY,' then, yeah." (Saying) __________. (Doing) Continuing to read the list of names I was holding. "Carlson. Centross. Davis."

AG: "Yada, yada, yada. Drunk people are stupid and think they can get away with anything. The fucking drunk mayor's daughter thought she could get away with crap. I don't care if you're the fucking mayor's daughter."

Me: (Thinking) "I know a stupid sober person." (Saying) __________. (Doing) Reading the "Es" through "Gs" on my list.

AG: (While waving his hands in my face.) "Yooo hoo, I'm talking to you. I'm telling you something."

Me: (Realizing I could talk.) "Yes. I know. And I'm ignoring you. You are, frankly, incredibly annoying and unprofessional and I don't want to talk to you for the rest of the night. Shut up."

AG: "Oh."

At that point, our friendship ended. Then our relief/friends showed up. I warned one about what happened. Then about 3 minutes later he was begging for relief. We left him there!

posted by Steph @ 5:36 PM