Party time! Excellent!
I've neglected to post about the biggest story to hit the Minnesota sports scene since, well, who knows. Has there been a big story on the Minnesota sports scene? But the more and more I think about the big news that the Vikings hired a former FBI agent as the full-time security head in response to the infamous party boat incident, the more and more hilarious the situation becomes to me.Recap of what happened: A bunch of Vikings players went out on two party boats to Lake Minnetonka during the bye-week, had a raunchy party, "sex boats" were turned around and brought back to shore. Vikings, at the urging of Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, hired a new security director in order to tighten team discipline in response.
Although the Vikings haven't released exactly what this new tough-guy on campus will do to tighten team discipline, here is what I envision his actions to be:
1) Put a tap on all Vikings players' phones so he can monitor exactly who they are calling in to "service" their teammates.
2) Force all Vikings to fill out expense forms, and get them approved, anytime they spend money out of their checking accounts.
3) Force all Vikings to keep their "partners" arms-length apart while "dancing."
4) Move all Vikings out of their million-dollar pads into a dorm with a sign-in sheet so that they can keep track of where they are and what they are doing at all times.
Seriously - hiring a security director to fix the team discipline problem? Why hasn't anyone brought up the fact that this isn't an issue of outsiders breaking into the stadium or players getting attacked in the parking lot? It's just a matter of football players being football players - and getting caught this time. Maybe Zygi should just hire a chaperone for all of the Vikings social gatherings. Or Donovan McNabb's mom...she's doing a great job with the Eagles. They don't seem to be getting in much trouble.
posted by Steph @ 8:01 AM
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