When Words Collide, Sentences Form

Everybody's a winner

No, actually, they're not! So why do schools and children's programs these days try to trick kids into thinking that? Last Spring, I learned in some interactions with public school child development experts that some public schools now want all games or contests to end in a tie or without a loser for the betterment of the educational experience of the children. This topic came up at dinner with a couple of friends, so that is why it is on my brain right now!

How can a "game" or a "contest" end without there being a loser? There has to be a loser! My good friend Webster says that a contest is "a struggle for superiority or victory." So in order for one person to be superior or victorious, the other must be inferior or a loser!

Well, apparently this verbiage is what is causing the problem with these education experts. They all have this warm, fuzzy, feel-good-about-yourself rationale for this innovative approach to learning. They say that kids feel bad enough about themselves because they are overweight, or slow, or don't speak the language or once had to eat the crust on their sandwich at lunch. Oh, wait, that last one was just me. Sorry. So "education expects" don't want these kids to also be labeled as "losers," in addition to "fat," "stupid" or "ugly." Rather, what is happening is they are being labeled as "the kid that isn't good at sports so we can't play and win trophies anymore so he/she doesn't feel bad about himself...that's what my mommy said."

Here are my not-based-in-anything-scientific-just-not-being-a-completely-messed-up-person-based-on-my-numerous-losses observations and thoughts on the matter:

1) Kids need to learn how to lose, because someday they are going to have to do something that is either graded, evaluated or judged...and if they don't succeed then, they are not going to know how to handle it because they never lost in Monopoly, tennis, marbles or 50 meter dashes.

2) Kids need to learn how to win, also. Because there is such a thing as being a poor winner...and that's not any better than being a bad loser. They will never get the chance to learn how to be a good winner if there can't be losers anymore. And there's nothing that will make you a good winner faster than your mom hitting you in the head with a frying pan when you make fun of her for losing to you in dominoes. Ooops. I shouldn't share all of my Christmas memories in this one entry.

3) Winning, losing and learning the ability to do that and still be friends with your opponent all lead to the development of positive social skills. I don't have much more fluff to say about that...I just truly believe that sports and competition is a great way for kids (and adults) to learn and develop their social skills.

4) Kids are smart enough to realize what is going on. They know when they are being humored and just coddled. Is that supposed to be any better for their self esteem? What are they going to think when they realize that the adults around them don't think that they are good enough to win at the game, so they are going to change the rules just so that they don't lose? Also, is it really special to any kid to get a trophy when all 27 of his little league teammates also get one? That's a waste of money on trophies...and the 847 hours spent coming up with the stupid awards to go on each one. "Least likely to eat the laces on his glove before the 4th inning." "Most likely to have his parents show up on time with the ice cream for after the game." "Best at pulling apart the twin popsicles without having one fall on the ground."

5) Maybe, just maybe, losing will give kids motivation to get better at what they are doing. Perhaps this will lead to such evils as working hard, discipline, understanding the value of a good teacher or instructor...and imagine this...through hard work, maybe these kids will lose weight and get better at their skill. Which may possibly lead to a victory, and increased self-esteem and a better feeling about who they are.

6) And as my friend pointed out tonight, are these experts really reading too much into the psychological effect that the loss of a board game or a playground game is having on a child? Come Friday, is Billy going to remember that he lost in tetherball to John? (Well, maybe, if he watches Napoleon Dynamite and has flashbacks. Bad example.) Kids move on and find something else more pressing to worry about...like why their lunchbox is missing dessert and only contains fruit. Oh shoot, bringing up my childhood AGAIN.

Well, as you can see, the following facts may be surmised from this post:
A) I don't have kids.
B) If I did, they would all be winners because I don't like losers.
C) I managed to turn out OK despite losing sometimes.
D) I'm not bitter about my childhood losses. Not at all. Damn it.
E) I have nothing else traumatic from my childhood that comes up and haunts me in adulthood. Except for the small woodland creatures that lived under my bed and the ghosts that lived in our house.

posted by Steph @ 7:43 PM