Drivin' Along in my Automobile
I had to drive out to White Earth Reservation yesterday for work, and returned this afternoon. Along the way I did what anyone else would do after spending 9+ hours within 24 hours driving in a black Dodge Stratus with an endless supply of CDs through mindless snowy cornfields with scarcely a gas station to be found before the little arrow was pointing at "E" - I thought.Mainly, because I was driving near the glory that is The Birthplace of America once again, I thought about Minnesotans. And mainly, funny and unique things said by Minnesotans. As a disclaimer, remember I love Minnesotans...they just don't realize how unintentionally hilarious their regional isms are.
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When I first moved here nearly three years ago, I went to the local grocery store to get some essentials, including a 12-pack of Coke. I wandered all around the stupid store, looking up at the identification signs, trying to find the soda aisle. Finally I gave up, and asked a friendly store employee where I could find soda. He was slightly confused, and I had to repeat what I said. Then he said, "Oh, right here," and pointed up at the sign which indicated the aisle contained water and "pop." "Pop??" I thought "pop" was slang or regional...I didn't realize it was an actual term to describe carbonated beverages. Hmmm.
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Then one time, a couple of people mentioned that they were "going to 'Essay' to get a pop" and asked if I wanted anything. Since I had absolutely no clue what they were talking about because I thought an essay was a piece of writing...or in this case was obviously someplace really popular that I didn't know about yet...and "Pop" was what we called one of my grandfathers when I was growing up...I said "No, thanks" because I didn't know what to ask for. Apparently...properly translated into real-people talk, they said "We're going to the Super America gas station [S.A. - not "essay"] to get a soda, want one?" Hmmm.
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A phrase such as "It's about 4 hours away" serves as an answer for two different questions, according to Minnesotans, when you are inquiring about geography. Yet, to me, it doesn't actually answer EITHER question:
Q1) Do you know where Duluth is?
A) Yeah, it's about 4 hours away.
No - that doesn't tell me where Duluth is - it tells me how long it takes to get there. Basically, it narrows Duluth's location down to a gigantic circle. Is it in Iowa? Wisconsin? Near North Dakota? Close to Canada? HELLO!?!
Q2) How far away is Duluth?
A) Oh, it's about 4 hours away.
Once again, NO - that doesn't tell me how far away it is. It could be 120 miles away, but traffic sucks or it could be 240 miles away via straight interstate...apparently Minnesotans think that distance is measured in minutes rather than miles.
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And finally, Minnesotans leave pronouns off the end of sentences. Example of conversation between The Steph and The Minnesotan:
The Steph: I'm going to the mall.
The Minnesotan: Is Bob going with?
The Steph: ***silence***
The Minnesotan: Ummm...hello?
The Steph: OH - you were done speaking?
Another example:
The Steph: We are going to the soccer game this weekend.
The Minnesotan: Can I go with?
The Steph: ***silence***
The Minnesotan: Well....?
The Steph: Well what?
The Minnesotan: Can I go with?
The Steph: With what?
The Minnesotan: With YOU!
The Steph: Well finish your sentences!!
The Minnesotan: I DID!
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Yes, 9 hours well spent.
posted by Steph @ 4:27 PM
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