When Words Collide, Sentences Form

Redneck Emeril...and other racing stories...

Last night, The Mom and The Steph went to Cedar Lake Speedway in New Richmond, WI for a night of fun and entertainment. And boy, did we get that!

We had a hard time finding the speedway. Basically, we went to Stillwater for the day for an arts festival on the banks of the beautiful St. Croix River, and saw signs that said "Racing Tonight at Cedar Lake Speedway." Now a few weeks ago, when the racing season started, I saw a thing in the newspaper about a dirt track in Stillwater that went by that same name. While in Stillwater, I tried calling information to call the track to find out how to get there and what time racing started - no listing. Tried THREE phone books at random businesses in Stillwater - no listing. Finally, found a guy working at a gas station that looked like he would know where there was a rack track...and sure enough, he pointed us on our way...to Wisconsin. Fortunately, Wisconsin is about 3 feet from Stillwater, so it was OK.

So we head out to the speedway, and we're not 100% sure of how to get there, but we saw a truck towing a race car and stalked him to our destination. We pulled in and found our little parking space, and just sat there for a while because we were a little early. Turned out to be a great move, because the entertainment in the parking lot alone was worth the price of admission.

Across the aisle from us was a man with a pick-up truck, whom I named Redneck Emeril. His tailgate was down, and he was doing what most Minnesotans or Cheeseheads do when the temperature is above 35 degress...he was tailgating. But he was by himself. No big deal. He gets his grill ready...scraps the rack a few times to clean it, adjusts his charcoal, and starts to pull his condiments out of his gigantic cooler. First, the ketchup. Then, the mustard. Then the BBQ sauce. Then hot sauce. Then a jar of cheese sauce. Then a jar of yellow peppers. Then a jar of salsa. He puts them all on the tailgate, and then puts them on top of the cooler. He then has to move them every single time he goes into the cooler to get something, but he always puts Condiment City back on top! Then he pulls out an onion and very neatly slices it and lays it directly on the grill. (Puts condiments back on cooler.) Then, he pulls out TWO BURGERS. (Puts condiments back on cooler.) Yes, 47 jars of condiments...one man...two burgers.



R.E. puts his burgers on the grill and carefully turns them and the onions to perfection. Frequently cleaning his hands, the grill, a plate, the spatula, anything he touches. He was the cleanest tailgater I had ever seen. Then, as his burgers near completion, he opens up his cooler once more and pulls out BACON! And adds that to the grill. Finally, with all of his condiments in order and his grill filled with goodness, he starts the assembly process. He puts cheese sauce on one of the burgers, along with some onions. Then he puts all of the bacon and some cheese sauce and onions on the second burger. I lost track of the liquid condiment usage on each burger, but he used everything except for the BBQ sauce. We never figured out what that was for. Then he took one burger, walked away, gave it to someone, and came back. Then he settled down for his own feast. This guy was CLASSIC.



And I took all of these pictures of him from inside my truck across the aisle, with The Mom acting as look-out for me, in case he turned and saw me spying on him! I may have found a new profession!

While all of this was going on, a man in a red sweatshirt walked to his truck, a couple down from mine, opened the door, grabbed something, and walked back to the track...with a PB&J sandwich in his hand! He didn't have to unwrap it...or anything. It was like the sandwich was just sitting on his seat in his truck!

But it gets even better...
Last night there were school bus races at the track! And PB&J man was one of the drivers!! He is an ag teacher at a local school! THAT was awesome.

posted by Steph @ 9:47 AM