When Words Collide, Sentences Form

My family is nuts.

And so are their neighbors. But they know it, and I include myself in the nuttiness. I was talking to my dad tonight on IM and he was telling me how he was mulching tree branches all day today. I was curious as to when my family got a chopper-upper, since that's a big deal (to those of us that like those things, hey, I got excited when we got a weed wacker on wheels. It was freaking awesome. Then I almost cried when my mom told me she broke it).

I have to reprint this conversation. It's too funny not to share with the world. It is not edited at all, this is a real conversation between The Steph and The Dad of The Steph. My side comments for your benefit are in (italics).

The Dad: Good evening. (Yes, my dad starts out that formal in an IM)
The Steph: Hi. How are you?
The Dad: Good. Kind of tired. I used the shredder most of the morning to chop up old dead limbs.
The Steph: You guys have a shredder? (How dare my family not tell me this exciting news???)
The Dad: Yeah. I got it last year sometime. I think we had it when you were here at Christmas.
The Steph: I didn't know that. No one showed it to me.
The Dad: Got it at Lowe's on clearance for $125.
The Steph: Hmmm. Good deal. What do you do with the chips?
The Dad: Maybe we didn't have it. It was back by the little room in the barn.
The Steph: I don't think you had it! I would have made you chop up a tree for me! (Seriously, I would have made him chop up a tree for me.)
The Dad: I use the stuff for mulch. Put most of it around the banana trees. (Yes, my family has banana trees. Along with two types of kumquat trees, tamerind trees, ponderosa lemon trees, 3 or 4 types of fig trees, loquat trees, persimmon trees, and 87 types of oranges/grapefruits/tangerines/etc. and 8 million orchids and bromeliads.)
The Steph: Yeah, you definitely didn't have it the last time I was home.
The Dad: I only use it for scraggly limbs. Generally dont do big limbs.
The Steph: Well then I would make you chop up a little tree for me. (Seriously, I would make him chop up a little tree for me.)
The Dad: The small limbs are easier to mulch than bag. Maybe I didn't have it. I have a lot of mulch now. Charlie wants to burn the stuff. (Charlie and Linda are our neighbors. They are really cool. They give us lots of free potting soil and blueberry bushes.)
The Steph: I would have definitely remembered if you had it. Charlie wants to burn your mulch?
The Dad: He wants to burn the limbs before I chop them up. He says it is easier. But I told him I wanted the mulch. (OK, now that's a funny conversation to imagine. Two guys arguing over a fence cause one wants to burn the other's branches while one guy wants to chop up his own branches. Oh, to be a grasshopper on that fence.)
The Steph: Hahaha. Why does he want to burn your branches? Why does he care about what you do with your branches?
The Dad: He wants to save me work. I don't burn the stuff because you technically need a permit and I really don't think it is that safe. He just wants to save me some work.
The Steph: Yeah remember when I burned down the garden back in NY? (We use to burn our "burnable" garbage when we lived in rural NY. One Spring my little burn barrel fire got a bit out of control and I burned down all of the dried up crap in the garden. The great thing was that I wound up accidentally fertilizing the garden by doing this and it was the best flower garden ever that year. For proof that this works, see pictures of Yellowstone after it grows back after fires. Greener and with bigger flowers than ever!)
The Dad: Yes, but you didn't burn down the house. And I had a fire extenguisher. Charlie will need a whole fire engine if his gets out of control.
The Steph: What the heck is he burning??
The Dad: He burns old trees and limbs.

Was that weird or what?

posted by Steph @ 6:53 PM